Part-7

I woke up with the harsh door knock of my room. Someone is constantly knocking the door as if they only have the aim of wake me up.

I opened the door.

It was pooja.

Hey u slacker. Still sleeping?? Get ready in 10 mints we will wait in hall.

For college??  I asked her with the drowsy voice

No stupid. We are going to RMF

Why so sudden??

Stop probing. Get ready that’s it. She ordered.

I got ready and went to hall. I saw Vikranth n pooja, priya were sitting on couch with mom.

I kept mum .mom brought breakfast for me a. I refused. Mom complained to our gang .Look at your friend… skipped supper yesterday. And now breakfast.

Pooja gave me an angry look and forced me to eat. Somehow I managed to eat. We left the home. Vikranth brought his car. Vikranth and pooja sat in front .i priya were settled in back couch. I wished priya “Hi” for which she replied same and we started our journey

I broke the silence and asked pooja reason for sudden ride for which she replied

 “I don’t know. in night priya called me and said we are going I said ok  let’s go..

Priya looked at me with a smile. I avoided her eye contact..

A message flashed on my mobile screen.it was from priya.

Why so serious????.

I replied” nothing like that. Why u planned this sudden trip???”.

“I want to spend some time with you” she replied.

I want to spend my lifetime with you I thought in my mind. But instead of giving reply I was immersed in the thoughts of her

 We reached RMF around 10.a.m…

It was a great fun with all our gang. After exploring some of beautiful sceneries of RMF…we spent their up to evening .but what made my trip more beautiful was her conduct towards me .it was normal as what we used to be. And throughout our trip in RMF she held my hand. Her touch sent a chill to my spine it was an amazing experience walking in the greeneries of RMF holding the most beautiful girl of my life. I wish I could hold her hand for the rest of my life at that moment I felt like I won’t let her go.

There comes the evening we were tired with the exploration and settled on a bench in a beautiful park of RMF.

Pooja and vikranth are also having good time with each other presence. They excused us and went for shopping.

She said “I want to say something to you”.

Sure dear tell me…..

She gave a letter to me.That letter is about the decision she took. Finally she said what is in her heart. I didn’t expect such kind of reply from her. All my fears were true. She doesn’t feel the same as I feel. She decided to be my friend forever .Though reason for her decision is not succinct enough to convince me. She promised me that “this won’t affect our friendship. Nothing will change. You are my friend and will be friend forever. I will be there with you whenever you needed me.”

The only thing that I liked about that letter is she promised me that “she will be with me”

I smiled (Though my world started to crumble inside) and kept mum as if I was least effected by her decision. I controlled my feelings.. I wanted to show her that I won’t be affected with her decision. I managed to cover all my emotions so that she doesn’t know that how much I love her. If she knows that i am affected with this. She feels bad for that .so keeping silence was the best option for me.

“Say something”. She said.

It’s okay dear. I will wait for you. I said.

It’s not about time yash.i couldn’t guarantee you that we will be in a relationship in future. I don’t think we are meant to be. You deserve a better girl than me, who understands you well. Who cares for you, who love you…..

I could not utter more. Except sorry

Don’t say sorry dear in fact I’m sorry for letting you down. Forgive me…

I was not able to say anything at that moment. Somehow I managed to cover up all my emotions and I messaged to vikranth to come so that I can escape from emotional outburst …finally vikranth and pooja saved me from that plight …..That was the most excruciating moment of my life…

There is a thin line between friendship and love. one must know their limits.We should not mistook their care. If we do so that would eventually leads to heartbreaks. Sometimes it creates a rift between their friendships. Loving our friend is normal instinct but it would be unbearable for us to know that they don’t feel the same.

That was a lesson learning phase of my life. After some days her house shifted to Bangalore coz her dad transferred to Bangalore.

 she left us.

 She left me ……

I’m here alone.desolated,deserted

PART-6

Next day morning I woke up with her message

Eagerly waiting to see your love when should I come?

I replied “you go to college first I will introduce her in evening…”

She did as I said

I called all our gang and told them my entire story and plan .initially they were shocked with the sudden outburst of my disclosed feelings

I had a plan and I told them… they said go ahead,I pooja and karan were arranged everything for the evening      

Later in evening

I told priya to come to our meeting spot

She reached .She entered in to room as soon as she entered a focus light fell on her

And I announced” priya follow that focus light “….she did as I said

She followed that light and stopped in front of wall which is covered with a curtain

So you wanted to see whom I love??…..i said

She nodded

I gave a sign to Karan  to remove curtain on the wall

THERE SHE IS

A beautiful photo of priya with a gorgeous smile is on the wall with lights on each side of the photo frame …she stood silently watching the photo. Suddenly lights were on ….i reached her

I stood on my kneels with a flower in my hand and I said

You are the girl I am loving priya

I have tried enough to suppress this in my heart but I couldn’t. More I tried the more i crushed inside. I didn’t talk to you for one week.so that I thought I could shun this feeling but I could not make it .without your talks, without your smile without your care I felt like dying every moment ,Those week days were toughest days in my life.  How could I forget the girl who cares for  me more than my self. When my avoidance caused tears in your eyes. It melted my heart. I fell for you on the day i saw you. You are my love, you are my life .you are the angel in my dream. …I love the way you care for me. i fell for your eyes which reflects a deep affection towards me. my heart is in deep love with you. Though I’m not a perfect guy .with you by my side I feel perfect. You completes me priya.. Will you be my love of my life ??

She had tears in her eyes…she didn’t said anything for some time

In life Things will happen when we least expect them to happen

Contrary to what I have expected. She left the spot with leaving no sign of her decision

I tried to stop her. But she didn’t listen to me

I stood at their with no idea of what she was thinking ….no one expected this kind of scene

My mind gushed with the thoughts of her unexpected exit .

I messaged her

I’m waiting here for your reply”

She replied  

“Sorry for leaving .i didn’t expect that. Need some time will tell u my decision soon….

I felt odd for what has happened. I left the spot with a heavyhearted

In night I sent a mail to her

Just give me a sign that what you feel

Do you feel the same way as I am???

I’m crushing inside with the fear of losing you

I am ready to face any answer…be it rejection be it acceptance

Just give me a sign what you feel

Just give me a sign what you feel

Don’t let me in this dark silence I am blinded with this

Don’t leave me in this land of loneliness

Don’t let me drown in this deep sorrows

Just give me a ray of hope that you are with me

Be the new dawn of my life that I am waiting for

Be the strength of me to sail in this storm

Just give me a sign what you feel

Just give me a sign what you feel

Give me chance to be the reason for smile on your face      

I want to surrounded by the happiness of your love

Let me plunge in the pride of that you are my love

Just give me a sign what you feel

 ALL I HOPE IS YOU WILL BE WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT THE DECISION YOU CHOOSE

PART-5

I took the call… (l saw the watch it showed  1 o’ clock .she didn’t give me the chance to wish her)

She didn’t say anything for some time….. 

 I said.

Sorry dear. I never thought that you would be affected this way with my behaviour. I am not a perfect friend for you. I am very bad. You deserve a better friend than me. I failed to understand you. There are many things that I wanted to tell you but I’m scared about the consequences ( I glided in my words by landing this statement). From the past few days I was in the bad mood. I ignored you .a sweet heart like you should not be treated like the way I did. I made you cry. Don’t forgive me .Just punish me I’m ready for that

She kept mum….

Talk to me dear …I said

After some time she managed to say

Don’t be sorry dear. I can understand that you are depressed .you don’t have to blame yourself. I did not miss you on my birthday. I don’t want your promise to be broken .That’s why   I came to your home. I talked to you. You don’t need to wish me.Your presence enough for me.it will happen some times when we are struggling with something. What one could do when such kind of circumstances hovers around us? By the way what you are feared about .why you have to be scared about consequences. its nothing wrong in sharing the problems with friends. Right?? Then why you are hesitant to tell me. Don’t worry I’m there for you to not only share your happiness but also your sorrows …

She is one who was hurt by me . Now she forgot all about that and asking me about what bothering me and consoling me.she is the most innocent and sweetest person I ever met in my life

So far I am feeling like a dead beast but I felt relieved with her words

No.its not like that.I should not have behaved like that …just give me a punishment…I insisted

Okay I will punish you …But before that tell me one thing…you consider me as your best friend .don’t you???.. She said

You are my best friend. I said

Then tell me what the matter is. What is the problem….she asked with the clear alto

At that time I failed to utter a word .I paused for a moment and

I said

Actually….. I am thinking about someone since past few days .i guess I’m in love. I am not even able to sleep properly since the past few days. I don’t know whether she loves me or not.

Oh my god…you are in love .you have found your girl .Tell me who is she??? She uttered quickly

I was not at all prepared for this kind of scene. Should I tell who she is? or should I make it simple

Or should I make it a more special?I was flooded with all these thoughts

Hello……….. What happen???  She asked

I will tell you. But not now I said

No way you have to say now .she said

Let’s make a deal. I tried to skip the scene at that moment

What deal? ….no deals just tell me who she is?? She insisted

Listen to me once….i said

Ok I’m listening. She said 

I will show you instead of saying who she is ok….

Ok deal then…..she said

Before she hung up she fired a bullet……… what is her name???

You have to wait till tomorrow for that too.  I dodged her question….she hung up by expressing her despair in her tone

After sometime I doze off by thinking how to propose her

PART- 4

i reached home around 11 P.M .A message flashed on my mobile screen. it was from priya

It feels very nice for me on knowing that my birthday is special for someone. Thanks for this day yashwanth.This is my best birthday ever. Thanks for the gift ...i loved it i m on my way to read it I know this is going to be my best book i ever read in my life. You are my best friend i don’t want to miss you for any reason. I hope we will be best friends forever...

I am happy with the entire message except "best friends forever “I just dont want to be a mere friend .i wanted to say that i wished to be her partner for life but I didn’t. That’s how my love birthday ended. though it ended with despondency on my face i was happy with the day.....

But today I did a stupid thing by ignoring her feelings, by ignoring a special day of my life
it feels very dejected when a friend close to us meet us on birthday and forget to wish us...it gives them a feel like ”we lost importance in their life”

I reached my reading table to write a mail to her. I saw new book on that table. it was “Gone with the wind “book .The book I gave on her last birthday. She returned it to me .i didn’t observed that she brought this book today. I felt some wetness on that book I wondered where it came from...

Damn it……she cried.

i made her cry. I made my cute princess cry ...how stupid I’m. She is the one who wanted me to see happy she is the one who trust me well. She never did a thing that hurt me. Why i am punishing her with my stupid behaviour .why she have to cry on her birthday for a stupid like me. She deserves happiness not tears.

I dialled her number again but the auto voice repeated the switch off statement. I kept on dialling and this way an hour passed I was unable to talk to her. I felt uneasy for what I had done. I kept blaming myself. I could not think off anything. I should apologize. But those repeated statements making me impatient

I wrote a mail to her

Hey dear,

“Do you remember I promised you on your last birthday .that I won’t let you to miss me.  I’m sooooo sorry dear. I broke that promise today .I am bad. I missed you on your birthday. But the sad part is I failed to wish you though you are in front of me…I feel so bad right now. I know you cried I failed to sense that. Don’t cry for me dear don’t let those tears for stupid like me. i wont worth those precious tears .you don’t have to be hurt like that. it’s me who needs to cry for hurting the ingenuous person like u. you deserve a better friend than me. I know sorry not enough but I wanted you to know how I truly feel……

                                                                        
                                                       Forgive me.”

I was not happy with that. I wanted to talk to her. I was feeling guilty that I am the reason for someone’s tears.

It’s hard to decide how to Care for a person When you know that one step forward will make you fall in Love And one Step Backward will ruin your Friendship..

I was engrossed in her thoughts I was unable to sleep ..

it was 1 A.M then my cell rang
……..

it showed “priya calling”

PART-3

I tried again and again but failed to get her on phone.. i hated myself at that moment..i still remember the words  which she told me on her last birthday. that was a special day of her life. for me it’s more special. I remembered every moment of it.....

March 3,2011....8 Pm

I called vikranth, neha, pooja  To my home. and we planned a grand birthday party for her
I told neha n pooja that go to a movie(mr.perfect) and make sure that priya will come along with you..i know priya will surely reluctant to movie at this time..but we make sure that she had to come ... coz she is diehard fan of prabhas....so she won’t say no. we wanted to keep her out for sometime so that we can decorate her room before they going to movie she called me and asked  me to come. But i said i was busy and told her to carry on....i and vikranth went to priya home and told her dad about our plan ....her dad gave Us permission...We went to her room...and we decorated her room with full of flowers and balloons and ribbons.
At 11 pm i called pooja and told that come out of theatre and took priya to restaurant.
They did as i said....they were having supper in restaurant then i was busy in arranging
Den i got a message from priya....

i know tomorrow is special day for me. But i don’t think its special until celebrating it with our closed ones.....i hope u will be there to make my day more special for me..

 i don’t know what made her to say like that..But sometimes she make me feel that i am important to her with her messages...sometimes her messages filled with immense caring and affection....And i replied
Hey priya....as long as i am your friend...I won’t let you to miss me... i promise.
I told pooja that everything is finished just come out....pooja ,neha, priya reached home around 11.50 pm...priya went her room opened the door she switched on lights .........................................................................................................
the room with full of flowers and balloons surprised her...she was awestruck with that....she just smiled and looked back...she was very surprised with our presence. She was overwhelmed with the surprise. Suddenly tylorswift songs (her favorate) were on the air. she cut the cake..her room is echoed with birthday wishes .But one thing i wanted to do different ... i brought a gift for her....no one knows about this so i wanted to give her personally....but  i didn’t get the chance to give so i holded it back
everyone one is busy in making up her face with cake and sprays....her mom dad came into room wished her.we danced we cracked jokes...at last we ended the party at 2 am....
......
That day i woke up at 9 am...
as soon as i woke i got a call from priyas mom.she told that they were arranging dinner at home so she asked me to come in evening..Priya messaged me to come early
I asked.... Is vikranth ,pooja reached??
No. They are on the way..i want you to be here within halfanhour. she ordered..I reached her home and and i met her mom and helped her in arranging...
Then after some time i went to priya room...
She was busy in getting ready...
How about neha ,pooja, vikranth.??? I asked while entering into her room
They are on the way....
Hey how is my dress...she asked in excited tone
superb....wait .But you don’t like that colour...Right?? i asked her with a puzzled look
i dont like then but not now. she said. i wondered that what might be the reason for her sudden change in her likes...
i asked her. Any reason for sudden change??
Because black is one of my best friends fav color...she landed her statement 
whos fav color it is??....i asked with a smile on my face        
Think, you will get to know.. she said

yes black is my favourite color

These littile  things she will do for me made me to fall in love with her.. My cute princess looked gorgeous in that black dress

we ended that day with the grand dinner..while leaving to my home.. i gave a fully decorated and packed box to her( it’s a gift).and i left for home..Exactly 11.pm she messaged me.
The message she sent me brought Despair on my face

PART-2

Exactly after  8 days of my ignorance she stopped sending messages. I feel somewhat happy because she started trying to forget me that gave me a sigh of  relief. But what i thought was wrong from reality. i was in my room i heard some female voice talking to my mom. I ignored it. But after some time it made me clear that the one who is talking to mom is priya.

how come she is here? Why she is here? Mom knows priya well…i heard mom told her that i m in my room...
i m not ready to face her i m not ready to answer her perennial questions.I wanted to escape from there but the problem is the perfect reason for escape. Then a brilliant idea came to my mind and i prepared to execute my plan according to idea.I hastily went to mom who is in kitchen and told her that my friend Vikranth met with accident. I had to go right now. I landed my brilliant idea.... But fate is not at all by my side......
my idea went awfully wrong..
Suddenly priya came into action and told that....
i m just now talked to him and i came here because he told me that you r at home so that i can meet u here....
Mom looked at me like as i was caught in   robbing a bank and trying to escape.... a silent slap to me...i went to my room without looking anywhere. And closed my door and laid on my bed...
with the great despair on my face looking like as if i am failed in all my exams...
suddenly someone knocked the door i know she is priya. She knocked it twice. And came directly into room i covered my face with pillow.. i cant face her. She sat on my reading table...
sorry... she said
y?. i said n confused
coz i lied .she said
me: what??
Priya: I did not called him. I know you don’t want talk to me you wanted to escape from me..                

Me: it’s not like that
priya: then how it is like
look at me she said
i cant....
why? Am i that ugly ....i don’t think i am. she quipped
yes you are.. i replied
really.. say that looking at my face...
i stayed calm again ...
now tell me what happened?
nothing...i said calmly
Am i  that bad to stop talking...???
no you are good..i said
then...what’s wrong with you...she asked in a alto that contains irritation
I stayed mum
just tell me why you want to go away from me.  whatever the reason just tell me...i am  hear to know that reason .listen yash....just tell me what bothers you...i may not feel your pain i can listen to you so that you feel somewhat relief..talk to me yash
i stayed calm i cannot handle her, so i changed the topic.
How have you been??? I enquired
Not good. she said
y so?? I said
when someone who is very close to our heart stopped talking with us how one could be happy?? She said in a low alto.
Me: Really who is that??
Priya: My friend...
Me: why is he stopped talking to you?
Priya: i don’t know.
me: then he must be  a bad guy
Priya: no. He is not...i m the bad one
me: what?
Priya: Yes i m bad coz i m failed to understand him. And i am irritating him now...so is not she bad??

That’s what i liked about her. Everything my mistake and now she saying that she is bad and defending me now...i never saw a person like that so humble magnanimous
..............
leave that topic i m talking with you na den no more talks on that.i said in a high alto.
all the while she keep asking me what happen to me...i tried enough to cover my emotions
but my indifferent answers made her disappointed

She sensed my dislike to talk to her...
she tried to talk to me but she didn’t ...she left my room at the end she said take care...messaged me......

Sorry dear,

Though you are not in the mood to talk...i tried enough to talk with you...sorry for making you uncomfortable...if you think i am not close enough to share all your problems. I am ok with that. I will never disturb like that again now i wont message you again but remember one thing whenever you need me Don’t forget i m just a message away from you…. Take care.....

After sometime.......
pooja called me. She is our mutual friend and told me about our project progress in our conversation she said. So how was the party?
What?? Which party.....????
Birthday party .She said
whose birthday party???
priya.....she said
I suddenly blanked with that n said. ok pooja. i will call you later. n hung the phone

Damn it... how could I forget her birthday.....
How stupid i am... i disappointed her with my indifference to her

Immediately i called her but

The number you are trying currently switched off....

PART -1

                  “Forgive me.......”   By yashwanth police

Over the past few days, I have seen a different person within me .people started saying that I am changed I do not know what the change they observed in me. Nevertheless, my life in past few months I smile less and frown more. I laugh less . I feel something missing. I feel desolated .I feel I lost the happiness, which I possessed in her presence. .unknown feeling pulling me down, that waning my heart... I feel my heart is weak.
I was then affable with everyone but now me don’t even want to talk to anyone. I prefer to be alone .the music, which was my companion now I am afraid to listen.  If I listen I remember her if I remember her. I miss her.
Everything that I enjoyed with her seems tame without her. I tried hard to fight with my feelings but I just could’nt. Everything changed in my life without her but the thing, which remains until my last breath is        "love for her ". its her. its priya
it’s been a week since i talk to her .the feeling of emptiness of the day without her talks is bothering me   I did it myself not because i m not interested in her talks it’s because d fact that  she will never be  mine .she is continuously calling me. But i m rejecting those calls. After repeated calls she messaged me
Priya: Where r u?  Why u r not responding to my calls?
i wish i could reply but i didn’t. I’m missing her badly. I missing her talk’s .I missing her eyes which makes fall in love with her
it’s been three years since she came into my life. The day i saw her in class i was spellbound by her beauty. Her smile especially her eyes der is something in her eyes that makes everyone falling love with her. First time in my life i felt something different in my heart It’s not what I feel for her it’s about what I don’t feel for anyone else but for her.  i never believed d saying "love at first sight" but that is absolutely correct. Yes i fell in love with her
since we r in same class our friendship grown rapidly .we became close & best friends.
She gives more important to my talks my feelings .she never quipped about my feelings. I feel very comfortable when I’m with her. I feel very complete when she is with me .She never make me feel desolate when I’m with her.my love towards her increased more when i got to know about her completely. . All of sudden she started taking care for me some times I feels like she likes me.my days  used to starts   with her messages. she used to wake me up  with her cute messagees.my life became more beautiful with her presence around me. She used to share all the things which she likes and which she doesn’t like. There is one thing in her that make her special for me is she is the one with whom I could be myself .she was the best thing that ever happen to me.she is one who will listen  I have to say without judging me.I love the way she shares small little things with me. Der is a common place for us to meet .She is the one who chosen that place when she has free time to talk. She says she want to meet at that place that place is a heaven for me because i can stare at her. l love the way she talk .i love the way she moves her hair strands to ear she will do it in a different way. Her cologne, her eyes i can stare at her eyes entire day that eyes has something to attract everyone. Her cut excuses to me whenever I get angry. I just love that

                     .                                                                                     I wanted to say what my feelings towards her. But somewhere in my heart the fear... what if she don’t love me what if she don’t feels d same way. If i propose her she might think that i m stalker.. . I strongly believe that she perceives a good friend in me. It leaves me two options. One is expressing my love to her. Another is to keep waiting until she loves me. this is the best way to hurt myself .i chose latter.so decided to not to tell her what i feels for her if my propose hurt her den i will never say that which hurts her though the pain of being ignored by her who means a lot to me is bothering much. Instead of that I penned down all my feelings as a dairy i used write the every moment that I spent with her. The worst n painful feeling is when the person whom u love the most sitting beside u  but u know that person can never be yours .it’s became difficult for me when she sit’s  besides me n sharing cute talks yet i couldn’t tell my feelings. It became too difficult for me to handle this I thought avoiding her will helps me in this So i decided to avoid her
That avoiding gave so much void in my life .whenever she want to meet me i started saying "sorry priya i had some work" meet u later" though it hurts me more than her but i had to do it is destined to be like this. The every endeavour which i do to forget her is reminding her so much. no matter what  I do she will be always in my mind .It’s hard to forget the person who gave so much to remember. This rejecting calls is one of my effort to avoid her 
She messaged me again "do u remember whenever I feel low .u used to say to me
  "whenever u feel low just message me I will be der right beside u."
I am feeling low now. Where are you? Dis time it’s like i felt something heavy in my heart. As the days  go on depth in her messages gradually increasing   “Just talk to me once” was the last message sent by her. That message was last jab to my heart
.And later she mailed me"

yash. What happen to u .if i did anything wrong n if i hurt u sorry . But don’t punish me like dis .with whom i could share my happiness.

You made me smile when no one else did
You wiped my tears when no one else did
You cared for me when no one else did  
 You gave me strength when no one else did
I know der is something bothering you .i can feel that   in your eyes .i observed that last time when we met. Then why don’t you share your agony with me. Because i m your only best friend. No?

The very next moment I feel like 

"I wish i hold her face with my hands i look deep into her eyes and i would say hey gorgeous    i fell in love with u".

As I feel the tear go down my cheek,

I notice that my heart is weak,
For the love I have for you,
Will always be gold and true,
Even though I am not the one who u want.
You always have the key to my heart.
Forgive me, priya 
Forgive me for hurting you
Forgive my heart for loving you.
Forgive me, my love